Everything you’ll ever need to know until tomorrow.

Today was just like any other day, a tycoon was called out on swindling thousands out of billions, Congress was surly, a forced relationship came to an end, the slap-fight between the U.S. and China continued, etc. Of course, that doesn’t mean there’s anything to talk about…

  • In case you didn’t hear, a U.S. survelliance ship was threatened by five Chinese boats, which nearly collided with our ship. To respond, the unarmed craft shot water at the Chinese vessels, because if there’s one thing that boats fear, it’s water. Now China is all flustered because it’s provocative actions led to its navy getting wet, and we’ve sent over a few destroyers which presumably will be armed with super soakers. For all of the literature about the rising tensions between China and America, and the predictions of what exactly will bring out conflict between the two, if anything, it’s going to be something stupid that starts up a war. It won’t be a battle for the few remaining resources, a massive ideological clash of western democracy vs. eastern communism, but instead World War III will be fought over a game of chicken and a squirt gun.
  • Nadya Suleman, that lady who gave birth to eight kids, bought a bigger house. She has 14 kids, going after a bigger house is not news.
  • Bristol Palin and Levi Johnson broke up. Who would have thought high school kids thrust into the national spotlight wouldn’t be ready for marriage?
  • The worst of the economic tailspin might be over, as despite having lost 45 percent of the world’s wealth (according to Blackstone Group CEO Stephen Schwarzman) retail sales dropped only .1 percent in February (economists predicted a .5 percent drop) and Citibank doesn’t need any more of our money (apparently $45 billion was just enough). What the retail numbers didn’t take into account was the advent of snow in Elon, where the rush to purchase shovels, ice, bread and milk accounted for that .4 percent upswing. As for Citibank, the moment Washington starts talking about restrictions being tied to its funds, they cut the cord. It’s akin to a glutton having all of everyone else’s cake, eating it and then when we bake another batch and mention it uses natural ingredients for their own good, the glutton shakes their head and waddles off.
  • Democrats are now peeved that the stimulus package hasn’t yet proven itself to be a miracle cure, and a great deal of them are incredible concerned about the morbidly obese size of the upcoming federal budget. Actually, there’s nothing here to be snide about, they’re being perfectly reasonable here…
  • Three astronauts, Russian Yury Lonchakov and Americans Michael Fincke and Sandra Magnus, were forced to hide in an escape pod while tiny bits of trash threatened their lives. In the future, no one will care about lasers and space missiles, all we’ll need to do is hurl garbage at one another. It’ll solve two problems at once!
  • Elon’s “POWERless Energy” competition is continuing, with North area in the lead with two students turning off their computers overnight as opposed to just one.
  • Jonathan Papelbon of the Boston Red Sox described ex-teammate Manny Ramirez as a “cancer,” which makes the Los Angeles a bizarre creature that feeds off of cancer to make it stronger.

1 Comment

Filed under Business, China, Government, Sports

One response to “Everything you’ll ever need to know until tomorrow.

  1. Carlson Tucker

    One thing that I learned from today….

    Edward R. Murrow is rolling over in his grave:

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